I am Submarine, I hate Euphemisms, Clichés and Figures of Speech.

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Hi, today Rocket is gone on an um, errand, and will be replaced by her naysayer evil twin, the awesome Submarine. Assisted by her attendant, the lieutenant.

Lieutenant: Hi.

Want to know what bugs me? Cliché sayings. I hate them all.

1. “Cute as a button”.

Stop it already, buttons aren’t cute. Especially when I choke on them.

2. “Walk in his/her shoes”.

No. They probably stink.

3. “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine”!

Ha.

4.”Get your feet wet”.

Then what? Huh? Just so I can experience a towel braze against my foot?!  It tickles, no.

5. “Nothing personal”.

As if.

6. “Nothing to sneeze at”.

Hello? Is there ever something appropriate to sneeze at?! If you do, I want you in my evil club.

7. “Two wrongs don’t make a right”.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!

8. “You got your just deserts”.

Desserts?! Where?!  Oh. Well played sir, well played. Lieutenant, see what we can find out about this guy.

9. “Grinning from ear to ear.”

Impressive…you must have lots of friends.

10. “Dumb as a post.”

Lieutenant, they’re talking about you again.
Let’s get outta here boys, there is way too much yellow here for my liking. I am suddenly wanting vanilla ice-cream…and a hug.

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3 thoughts on “I am Submarine, I hate Euphemisms, Clichés and Figures of Speech.

  1. Pingback: open to authority (figures of speech) « JRFibonacci's blog: partnering with reality

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