So guess what? I jinxed 2012, and now it has officially started out as a trainwreck, or er ended? halted? what?!
It’s basically bad–like food poisoning bad.
Anyways…this leaves me time for plenty of reflecting. A lot of it. I know that I am mostly dissatisfied with my life, only because I haven’t made it what it should be. I realize that I am a person that doesn’t find happiness with ordinary things like other people do. Not with money (trust me it’s nice to feel financially secure), not with being a socialite, not with being praised, and sometimes not even with family.
Love for me is a great thing, and if it adds to my happiness then great! So be it. But I will not make any single person–or any guy for that matter the center of it. He can be the center of my universe, but not the center of my happiness. Anyone who becomes this guy has to accept this fact of me.
At my age, it is probably not the best idea anyways.
I am still a jigsaw puzzle in this crazy world, and I still need to fit in, to snap in place….to finish the picture.
(I am pretty terrible at analogies, bear with me)
Writing, making music, taking pictures, drawing, eating food, walking at ungodly hours of the day or night, this blog, marveling at the sky and dreaming of flying, feeling the cool grass, humor (duh), hearing rain pour while being inside, being in the arms of someone that brings me bliss, learning new ideas, creating them, becoming untethered, unearthed, and uninhibited.
They are all things that bring happiness into my life…and I am still searching or am probably lost in it. Happiness isn’t absolute for most people–unless you’re super human or something like that. Maybe what I want is right around the corner, or maybe it’s in another country?
Maybe it is all in my head and I am really insane? Or I just really need a chill pill.
Oh well, let it all ensue.
*And guy, if you are reading this…this should help you see what I meant. I hope it makes more sense–and no, I didn’t write this for you.