Hi, I am a puzzle piece…or something like that.

hahaha--me and my legs at the bus stop.

So guess what? I jinxed 2012, and now it has officially started out as a trainwreck, or er ended? halted? what?!

It’s basically bad–like food poisoning bad.

Anyways…this leaves me time for plenty of reflecting. A lot of it. I know that I am mostly dissatisfied with my life,  only because I haven’t made it what it should be. I realize that I am a person that doesn’t find happiness with ordinary things like other people do. Not with money (trust me it’s nice to feel financially secure), not with being a socialite, not with being praised, and sometimes not even with family.

Love for me is a great thing, and if it adds to my happiness then great! So be it.  But I will not make any single person–or any guy for that matter the center of it. He can be the center of my universe, but not the center of my happiness. Anyone who becomes this guy has to accept this fact of me.

At my age, it is probably not the best idea anyways.

I am still a jigsaw puzzle in this crazy world, and I still need to fit in, to snap in place….to finish the picture.

(I am pretty terrible at analogies, bear with me)

Writing, making music, taking pictures, drawing, eating food, walking at ungodly hours of the day or night, this blog, marveling at the sky and dreaming of flying, feeling the cool grass, humor (duh), hearing rain pour while being inside, being in the arms of someone that brings me bliss, learning new ideas, creating them, becoming untethered, unearthed, and uninhibited.

They are all things that bring happiness into my life…and I am still searching or am probably lost in it.  Happiness isn’t absolute for most people–unless you’re super human or something like that. Maybe what I want is right around the corner, or maybe it’s in another country?

Maybe it is all in my head and I am really insane? Or I just really need a chill pill.

Oh well, let it all ensue.

*And guy, if you are reading this…this should help you see what I meant. I hope it makes more sense–and no, I didn’t write this for you.

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13 thoughts on “Hi, I am a puzzle piece…or something like that.

  1. Some time ago I realized that I’ve been at a pretty consistent level of satisfaction/ dissatisfaction my entire adult life, regardless of the huge variance in what my life has been like. It was strangely liberating to stop thinking in terms of “If I could only ____, I’d finally be happy.” Not in terms of resigning myself to a degree of dis-ease, necessarily, but recognizing the condition as at least somewhat internal. Stopped looking for some panacea.

  2. I think feelings like this pretty come as part of the package deal of becoming an adult.

    I know I’ve been feeling that way a lot lately, which is dumb because I have a good job, and life is pretty good — I just feel like I’m running in circles because I’m nowhere near the life I have always wanted.

  3. I think we are all puzzle pieces. Sometimes, it just takes lots of trying to get it in the right place. You are probably like that last piece in the puzzle. Everyone gets all excited at the last piece. 🙂

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