early morning mind bursts.
Hello world, people, imaginary friends out there.
I am not unique…I know the rest of the universe has problems, and how ever much mine cause me sorrow– hold on, let’s see I found this tuner on the floor, give me a second.
So anyways, I’m gonna use this tuner for my heart.
It’s very, very out of tune out of a couple of things…
°Playing music with closed eyes
°Playing my bass and keyboard. (AT THE SAME TIME?!) (But there can only be one?!) (What am I even saying??)
°Occasional drinking for a laugh
°Dancing in public
°Hiding my face in books, as opposed to y’know, under my covers.
°Hide and seek!
°Tapping my feet to the music in my head
Da da da da dum la laaaaaa!
Um yeah. Not sure what that was about.
This is clearly more than a couple, nor the entire list, but I’m getting there….slowly.
Most of us are familiar with this, in more ways than one. I, in fact, am experiencing this as I write.
I stare at my hands to make them move, type something. As I stare at my hands, I notice the texture and the crevices that my hands showcase. I am not really that old, (really, I’m in my early 20s) , what I mean is that I am beginning to notice that my hands are aging.
The tiny scars I got as a kid and early teens are still there, faint, but still there. They are just hands though right? Just hands.
You can now see the immediate figurative meaning behind this all. That is not my point, and to be frank I don’t think I have one (do I ever?).
Anyways, time was the immediate figurative meaning behind it all.
It’s no wonder I feel restless….
I’ve missed this whole bloggy thingy. Like for reals yo.
I’m back for some more, I WON’T GIVE UP ON THIS, NOOOOO!
Here are other things that I’d given up which I’ve also missed:
1. Jumping on my bed, whilst not bumping my head (unlike these monkeys I keep hearing people sing about).
2. Drawing on my hand all the time.
3. Composing silly music.
4. Spinning in my chair (God I love those dizzyspells).
5. Collecting bottle caps.
6. Making this face:
7. Shopping for stripped socks.
8. Making fruit smoothies.
9. Time travel.
Uhhh yeahhh, totally.
STOP CRUSHING MY DREAMS WORLD!
How about you guys? Guy back there in the purple polkadots?!? Tutu-wearing Hippo?!? ANYONE?
“Nobody knows me at all” I sigh to myself one early morning. Am I alone? Does everyone else think they all have unique infrastructures that is the human mind that their closest don’t know about?
I am slowly getting out of a rocky ship at the moment, every time that I set foot out of that ship I fall into the ocean. My hands, fearfully grasping the side of the ship, so that I don’t drown. This goes on and on until I get exhausted, and say “Well, what’s the point of holding on?”
I start to let the water fill my eyes, my nostrils, and then my lungs. All the few good memories fill my head quickly, like the water that is rapidly filling my body.
I am in my bedroom. There are stars in my ceiling, dangling, like there was someone who was just here and left suddenly. My bed is there, it’s empty, till I occupy it. I lay there fighting with cynicism, recalling sorrow, and wondering what’s left of my imagination.
My hands are where gravity isn’t, moving frantically, am I even breathing?
A blanket is over my face, I am sobbing now. There is a storm outside the window.
Blue, blue green, teal, aquamarine blur.
I dare to crack my blinds open, sudden sunshine.
Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Heartbea. Heartbe. Heartb. Heart. Hear. He. H—————————–
I am gonna grab the smallest, happiest thing and run.
I’ll keep this short, or else I am going to forget what I was blabbing about…
I used to be able to see beauty in the world, including its under/overtones and hues. I felt understanding and relevance and all kinds of yummy things. But lately, these couple of months I think the 10 year old in me is emerging.
I say this realizing I have always had a high/odd humor threshold, now it’s just gone over the cliff a bit (ok, that sounds stupid). It’s like the other day I was biking to work, admiring how blue the sky seemed during this high heat in Northern California. It’s been awhile since I have appreciated nature so wholeheartedly, it was a very pleasant moment. Then this guy in a bike (I just almost typed bikini) zooms past me, and his crack visible from a mile.
Usually butt-cracks hanging off so unattractively make me cringe. In this instance, I burst out laughing like a maniac (so glad he was wearing earphones). And today I started drawing on my fingers again and pretended they were real people, much to the creeped-out-ness of my coworkers.
(actually this last thing happens more often than not)
Anyways I just hope I’m not doing some whole mental Benjamin Button aging thing.
I guess I shall have more fun with this…
“Welcome to The World of Sleep, can I get you a pillow? Oh. You don’t care? Why, here are some comfy beds and sheets!”
“Hey Mac! We’ve got another one over here! Just pile him on top of the others.”
“Aw, come on Mac! I did it last time! I’ll get ya a breakfast burrito!”
Sleep, most of us don’t care where, we just want it, and we want it now damnit!
I say this awake at 7 am having gone to sleep at about 2 am, whilst listening to Sonic Youth and choking on generic Mini Wheats.
Today’s scheduled programming ladies and gents:
7:00 am-12:00 pm: The World of Awake
12:00 pm-10:00 pm: Zombieland
10:00 pm-2:00 am: The Grey Static Fuzzy Zone
2:00 am-7 am: Miracles Do Happen